Super Angie...Living

I've always loved writing. In Elementary school I would save up money, bike to the local bookstore (the one by QFC in Redmond that always had THE BABYSITTER'S CLUB new released books and always had a big fat cat in the window). At this store, or Lakeside Drug next door, I would find THE PERFECT blank hard back journal. I would thoughtfully pick one out- usually with kittens on the front and then write a full blown novel based on that picture. I wrote so many "books". I doubt any of them would be interesting to read now but my point is, I loved to just write.

Fast forward to Junior High.  The late 80s, early 90s. I loved logging onto Prodigy and writing on message boards. I loved social media from an early age. I met friends all across the US.   I loved writing hand written letters too. Countless pen pals. I love connecting with people. I'm a people person.

Life is so funny how it has swells of highs and lows...like the tide of the Puget sound. Sometimes the water is so inviting- like running to the beach at Fort Casey on a hot August day, but you would NEVER go in that same water on a January day...no matter how sunny it was.  Writing sort of turned that way for me with my blog. I felt judged. I knew "certain people" were reading my blog and hating me. So I stopped. It's time to jump back in...after all, it is August...and 100 degrees in Utah. Bless.

I've been a long time fan of Jennifer Kirk. Brilliant Ice skater from years ago. But now she is just a fun person to follow on Instagram. She talked recently about how HAPPY she is because she's truly living.  I feel the same.

My concussion, broken foot, tendinitis, weight gain yada yada really took a toll on me. I was so sad. So depressed. So lost.  But skating in Sun Valley helped me feel ALIVE again.  And now that I feel alive, it's time to start LIVING again, which includes blogging or journaling. And to be honest...I type a lot faster then I write with pen (and it doesn't cramp my fingers) so blogging it is. Typing. :)

In June I was thinking- I might always been "sick". There might not be a real future. I had given up on recovering from this concussion. I didn't want to live. Then I went to Sun Valley with my friend Libby and I met some amazing coaches. The challenge of learning new things and having people believe in me, mixed with skating outside in such a positive environment helped me be brave enough to touch that Puget Sound water-- it was July after all.  I came home from that trip changed. I had a light. A new light inside me, or maybe it was my old light was back. Regardless, I was changed and so happy. 

Then the first weekend of August I went back for five days of hard choreography and lots of inspiring lessons. I met new friends and found myself again. I was HAPPY. How long had it been since I was this happy? I was living again.

So my question...have you gotten stuck? Have you stopped LIVING because the water is too cold or you got a cramp in your hand? Have you stopped shining because of a failed relationship, the judgment of others, a death in the family or change in your job?

Micheal Jordan said:  I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.

Super Angie...full of joy

It's Sunday.  It's dark and cloudy. There is lightning and thunder. And RAIN! It's a perfect Seattle evening in Utah. I've been praying for pray. Our state really needs it. Fires, smokey skies, dusty mountain bike trails, allergens. Yes, indeed we have needed it. And I've been praying. God delivered.

July in Utah is HOT. Like way too HOT.  So hot that most native Utahans complain about it being "too hot". 

I'm thankful for Air Conditioning.
I'm thankful for early morning sun rays coming over the mountains, lighting each nook and cranny of the mountain range. 
I'm thankful for warm smiles at church and friends who can sing really well (who tend to sit next to me).
I'm thankful for kids who bake brownies- even if other family members eat them all before we can deliver them.
I'm thankful for a husband who works so dang hard so I can stay home and "just be a mom".
I'm thankful that my mom, so many years ago, put together a photo album of pictures of me growing up. Some are formal family pics. Some are funny things we did in the yard or me shooting a nerf gun at Grandma's house at Easter (complete with me wearing my Easter dress!). 
I'm thankful for Familysearch.org
I'm thankful for my dog and that I'm not allergic to her.
I'm thankful for helping hands around the house.
I'm thankful my brain handled church today.
I'm thankful for the book of Mormon. I know it's true. I testify that it is the word of God.
I'm thankful that God hasn't left us without a prophet on the earth in these latter days. I know Russel M Nelson is a prophet- just like Moses was!
I'm thankful for repentance. I'm not perfect. I make so many mistakes. I'm so thankful I can go to my heavenly father and ask for forgiveness and guidance.

I've found that life is sometimes sooooo very hard. But it's when we recognize our blessings and show God our gratitude AND when we serve and help others, that when we find true Joy.

I'm so full of Joy as I continue to recover from this concussion. It's not easy but I'm finding the joy in the journey.

Post Concussion Syndrome - outside my brain

I'm recovering from Post Concussion Syndrome. It's such a complex thing and no two brain injuries are the same.  I choose to take more holistic approach to my recovery. Here is my journey.

The first two weeks I experienced the worst headaches I have ever had. I also had nausea, confusion and depression. Suicidal thoughts were normal- because the pain from the headaches were so bad. I just wanted it to end. I think it's important for people to understand PCS recovery. It's not "just in your head" or something you can "get better soon" from. 

I remember laying in bed, in my dark room, unable to function.  I am thankful for kind neighbors and of course my husband and kids for running errands.  I couldn't go grocery shopping. I tried and it was just sensory overload.  I''m so thankful two sweet friends made trips to the store just to get me oranges. If you know someone suffering from PCS, don't ask them, just do it. Go grocery shopping for them. It will be so appreciated!

The first real turning point came when my sweet and patient husband suggested we go for a walk on a nearby recpath.  We walked REALLY slow. I mean, like painfully slow to anyone watching. One might have thought I was actually 90 yrs old. It was THAT slow. We sat on benches several times. Our focus was on nature. We notices bushes, flowers, trees. The sun set, the mountains, birds and the creek.  Rick wasn't in a hurry, which was nice. We weren't out there to exercise, do cardio, complete a segment on Strava or anything else. We were on a mission to HEAL MY BRAIN. Slow and steady.

I noticed that night that my head wasn't hurting as bad. 

The next day I laid outside in the sun. Again, I choose to focus on the sun, the wind in the trees and the birds. My dog cuddled up on my lap. She wouldn't leave my side.  The sun felt so good. I had never really liked being in the sun- must be the ice skater in me. I preferred inside, air conditioning and staying away from all the plants in Utah that cause my allergies and asthma to flair up. But after seeing how nature was helping my head, I knew I HAD to go out every day. I started craving it!

The headaches were still there but not as bad. And the nausea was far less. I started walking every day. Sometimes on a rec path. Sometimes on mtn bike trails. And I even started visiting a campground near by. I would park in the picnic area and then walk up and down the road. The smells, sounds and environment were so calming. I took my dog, daughter, husband and even my dad when he came to visit.

Being outside became my new normal!