I have a friend. I won't say her name here. What an amazing example this friend has been to me. She talks on her blog about the various things she does with her children--most of whom are in their teens. She drives them AND their friends places. She volunteers in their schools. She lovingly cares for THEIR friends and even invites them into her family as "adoptive" kids. She is ALWAYS thinking of others. I think its neat how she takes lunches to them at school--but not just once lunch, multiple lunches because she treats their buddies as well.With all the crap I have been through this past month, this friend has been there for me and my family.
And her example has helped me to be more thoughtful and helpful to others.
Some things I've learned:
When there is a death, don't just say, "I'M SORRY". Instead think about what YOU personally would want said to you...what would be of comfort to you, and then say it to them. example: "Can you tell me something about your grandpa that you loved so much?" or "I don't have the right words right now, so instead, I'll hold your heart in my hand and give you a gentle hug". Or if finding the right thing to say is too hard for you, give a gift...again, think what would make you happy in that situation...candy, flowers, balloons, a book etc.
Don't say, "at least you have the gospel". Yes--this is true, but _____ is still dead, and I'm aching right now.
If you can afford it, offer to help with the funeral expenses. Even $10 can help. It costs A LOT of money to buy a casket, and all the rest.
Remember the anniversary...one week, one month, whatever. This little extra rememberance shows them that this wasn't just a light matter to you...you truely care about your friend who is mourning. A card, email, flowers or phone call can mean a lot.
And DON'T SAY: "let me know what I can do to help". Would you call someone and say, "please come fold my laundry" or "clean my toilets please". Instead say, "i'm coming to clean, does tonight at 5 work?" etc. Just do it, don't just ask.
-_Super Angie
7 comments:
Very good points. I'm glad that you have found an example of such a great friend, you deserve that you know. Love your advice!!! Especially in my line of work!
when someone says "at least you have the gospel" say "you don't? or do you mean the deceased doesn't?"
Lol
Wow I love this story! How are you? I came across your blog, and wanted to check it out and see how you are doing. I hope all is well with you and your family. I finally got a blog up and going. It is private so if you would like an invite send me and email and christiepaulsen@gmail.com and let me know.
Love ya Ang! Take Care!
The photo at the top sets just the right mood for this post. I LOVE that your friend is friend to her children's friends- I'm not very good at that. Those are good lessons for any hard time- thanks for sharing!
Nothing like a good cry to get my week started! I so needed to read this after a really tough week. My kids are looking at me funny and asking me who died and I am too choked up to answer. Love you, Angie!
Recently when everything unfolded with Jennifer (problems, eye injury), my friend Barb H. called me and listened to me and said, "I am bringing dinner to you". Eric was already started with cooking dinner so I had to say no need and explain why, but the thought that she was willing to cook for our big tribe just because she cared sustained me for another tough week!
Nothing like a good cry to get my week started! I so needed to read this after a really tough week. My kids are looking at me funny and asking me who died and I am too choked up to answer. Love you, Angie!
Recently when everything unfolded with Jennifer (problems, eye injury), my friend Barb H. called me and listened to me and said, "I am bringing dinner to you". Eric was already started with cooking dinner so I had to say no need and explain why, but the thought that she was willing to cook for our big tribe just because she cared sustained me for another tough week!
Neat tribute! Friends are so important! It is so important to surround ourselves with Good Friends!
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