Friday, March 13, 2015

Super Angie...freeing myself

This winter has been hard. Coaching in 10 degree temps for hours on end. Freezing.

Freezing was something I hadn't expected. "I'm a figure skater! I love the cold" I always say.  But this winter, I froze in a new way. I let stress and worry and doom and gloom get to me. I let it all freeze me to my soul. I was happy- smiling, laughing, kissing, hugging. But I was frozen.

I earned an all expense paid trip to Maui with Origami Owl because I was in the top 1% of designers for sales for this past fall. Out of 60,000 people, I was one of around 350 who got to live at the Sheraton for just shy of a week.  Maui was good for me. I thawed out. I met some incredible woman who helped break me of my frozen fears. The daily reminders of "You are so beautiful Angie" was just what I needed. These new friends (besties) didn't care if I won a medal. They didn't care if I had been in movies. They didn't care how big my house was or what I drove. In fact they didn't know much about me other then that I had worked my butt off to earn this trip- just like they did. But some how in a matter of minutes, we became closer then I ever have to a group of woman.

Breaking the cold out of me took more then the warm sun of Hawaii. It took more then pineapple juice, or long walks on the beach. It took more then swimming with Terry the Turtle (#terry #turtlechicks). It took more then holding a friend's hand and more then good meals. Breaking the frozen out of me was taught to me in their actions. Their words. The love they showed me. The "Let it go".

After returning back to my frozen tundra of Keystone, and returning back to skating and coaching on the frozen magical lake, I paid my money and entered my name to compete at US Adult Figure Skating Nationals in April. And what was I going to skate to? Let it Go from Frozen.

Now that training has set in and Nationals is 4 weeks away, panic sets in. Am I prepared? No. Not really?  Am I working hard? I try. Am I determined? YES!

Yesterday was particularly hard a the rink. I'm learning a new skill, to perform at Nationals. Did I mention how soon Nationals is? Freaking out! As I skate to Let it Go (and I hear the groans of skaters and coaches everywhere of the overused music), I find myself repeating "I suck". "Wow. That was horrible". Demeaning, degrading things, because I can't skate it perfect.

Then I am must fall to rise. You must travel through pain to enjoy the bliss. You must stumble to get better. You must slide across the ice (freshly zammed so not only was I on the ice, but in the fresh zam water) face first, in front of everyone in order to learn balance.

I cry on the phone to one of my Maui besties. I talk with my husband. I chat online with a few friends. And then I pull up my big girl panties.

Remember in Frozen how FREEING it was for Elsa to March up that mountain, freezing everything in her path? Letting Go of everything inside her and...just being her? I feel like this Spring, I'm learning this. I'm learning to LET GO of fear. LET GO of insecurities. LET GO of pain and sorrow and let the tears flow. AND THEN to pick up and move on. I'm breaking out of my shy self (stop laughing! I actually am quite shy and non social) and tackling new friendships, new service opportunities, new tricks. I'm finding Angie...the Angie that was frozen.

The cold never bothered me anyway

(I have been very inspired by one of these new friendships formed on the frozen lake. Please enjoy the blog of my new friend Jaci.   )

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