Monday, January 23, 2012

Super Angie...what no one talks about

I had a miscarriage yesterday morning. I quickly found that the topic is taboo and people sadly, don't discuss what really happens. How does a woman feel?

So I decided NOT to be quiet about it.

Your body is in pregnancy mode. No matter how early in the pregnancy you are, you are producing hormones and changes are happening. When you lose the baby, you have to then lose all those hormones. Your body has to dump them and return to "normal". Makes sense, right? Depending on how far along you were and your personal chemistry, this can take 48 hours or longer. I've talked to a friend who said it took her a month to feel normal again.

Your body has to go into a labor of sorts to get the baby out. No matter the size (or how many weeks you are) this is a lot for your body to go through. Think about childbirth... this is the same thing, but smaller. I experienced cramping the night before. Lots of cramps. Body aches. During the night I had back labor. You have to dilate as well. For me, the actual act of having the baby come out (in the toilet) wasn't painful. But I suppose it could be for others.

Because your body goes through so much during this process, you will feel exhausted. Even if mentally you are "okay" with the loss and are prepared to move forward, your body isn't. Your body just did A LOT. Producing hormones, making mini contractions...everything it has to do to get the baby out. For me, I have experienced headaches, back aches, shoulder tightness, cramps, and lots of moodyness.

And that brings us to the hormone dump. Don't be discouraged if you are HOT and then COLD and then angry about the house being a mess. Its NORMAL. And the quicker you realize this, the better off you will be. Stay in bed. Sleep. Eat. Talk to friends and family. Hug your other kids.

Dos and Don'ts:

Do accept help from others
Don't run up and down the stairs in your house
Do drink a lot of water
Don't drink alcohol
Do take a hot bath
Don't have sex (your body needs to return to normal down there--also don't use tampons )
Do eat protein
Don't worry about your messy/dirty house
Do make yourself comfortable-- get dressed if you want, do your make up, do your hair, or don't! whatever makes you most comfortable. Usually I am always dressed up and have makeup on. But not now. I'm in my jammies with total bed head (hence, no current picture on this blog)
Don't stress about your body imagine. If you start thinking right now about fitting into your skinny jeans, you'll just freak yourself out. Be NICE to your body and realistic.
Do use heating pads and ice packs.
Don't be afraid in silence. If you are scared, TALK ABOUT IT. Look up stuff on the net. Call your doctor. Call your midwife. Talk to your spouse. Say a prayer. ITS OKAY TO BE SCARED!
Do a bit of lite exercise if you feel its okay. A gentle walk or a light ride on your stationary bike can help circulate blood. Obviously this is not the time to resume training for the Ironman you are working on, but exercise is good for your soul. (talk to your doctor if you are concerned)
Don't worry if you are freaking out, crying, feeling hot, shivering. Remember, hormone dump sucks AND its totally normal to go through everything.
and finally

Take time to heal: heart, mind, soul. Be kind to yourself. You have been through a big thing. Treat it as such. Talk openly. Pray, Meditate, listen to music. Watch TV or movies. Smile. Laugh. and remember...we are all super!

--Super Angie
(I am not a doctor and don't claim to know everything. When in doubt, talk to your doctor. If you have a fever or saturate a pad in an hour, please seek medical help)


Grace Marie said...

Glad you wrote this. I did my college English thesis on Miscarriages back in 1983 after having a miscarriage in the BYU library and it was so hard to get information because no one talks about it or discusses it. No one ever talked about the 'hormone dump.' Hope you are doing good and know that we all love you!

Charles Miske said...

we're in this together

Marie said...

This was a great idea to blog about this. I'm sure it's been very cathartic for you! And it's great information for other women out there! Thanks for sharing such a personal story and I hope you're doing better! <3

Tiff said...

Its true people don't talk about it and I think thats sad. When I had my miscarriages I wrote a blog post about it to. It was so hard and yes the physically part is real and painful. One of my miscarriages I threw up all day from the pain. I hope you can start to feel better physically, but glad you are doing well emotionally! It can be a roller coaster for sure.

Amy said...

Miscarriages definitely are super hard, I myself have had two, devastated each time. I truly am so thankful for my 4 healthy children and that I have!! Hugs to you, it truly is so hard, and of course emotional. Take time for yourself and talk talk talk, it's what helped me. You find that there's LOT'S of people that have gone through the exact same thing!! Thinking of you!

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