Thursday, February 17, 2011

Super Angie...the return

Today I have been hiding. Hiding away in my little comfort zone of the cold cold ice rink. Its familiar. Its safe. I know it. I don't have to face anything scary. Its comfortable. Its warm to me.

I have been hiding today. Living at the ice rink where its safe and I don't have to think. The whole day I have been thinking, "I need mom to tell me what I'm supposed to do" because really, the only thing I knew I could do was eat frozen yogurt. I couldn't think of anything else to day.

So I the lobby. in the bar. in the cold rink. couldn't skate because of my knee. Just sat there, smelling the ice, hearing the blades. feeling the cold. Shivering. Getting numb.

I sat on the bench where mom sat during my Gaga program at Nationals. I listened to the music of some random program and watched girls doing sit spins, and triple salchows. Numb...not just from the cold air of the rink.

Tonight I talked to a very wise friend who helped me realize that my mom raised me to be wise- and that I no longer needed to ask for her advice. That I knew what it would be. And that now I was raising three kids who would need me to give them advice, and I need to move forward and be brave.

So more hiding. Tomorrow I drive onto my future, thinking about the things my mom has taught me and figuring out things for myself. Please bare with me as Super Angie returns to being Super. I'm trying.

--Super Angie


Tara said...

You never stopped being super...just cuz you are sad doesn't mean you aren't SUPER!!!! Have been thinking about you alot....just wish I could hop on a plane and come hug you! Super Angie!!!!
luv ya

JAnderegg said...

You are a beautiful writer! Keep writing! It is a wonderful way to deal with grief, and you are so good at it.

On Belay

On Belay
Brennan Top Roping

Climb On!

Climb On!
Dallin top roping