Saturday, May 7, 2011

Super Angie...mother's day

I lost my mom in Feb. The wounds are still amazingly fresh and with Rick being gone right now, my emotions are over flowing. Yesterday I had a melt down. Luckily I had a good friend who texted and sent many many emails throughout the day, lifting me out of my depression. Sometimes one little thing can trigger an explosion--like accidentally taking the wrong exit! I feltl very lost--physically and emotionally. I couldn't grasp life. I couldn't function. I felt like everything was spinning out of control.

I wanted to skate. With all the other crap, emotions, and events going on in my life, I wanted to return to the constant- skating. The one thing that doesn't dessert me. The ice, where I feel so calm and secure and happy. And yet, with my rink closed for the next few weeks, I've been lost without it.

Yesterday after dropping the kids off at school, I drove down to Arvada. My plan was to let Tan enjoy the childcare there (which she did!) and for me to get in some practice. With a show and several comps coming up, I need to practice. But the boots just hurt. The sharpening was fantastic, but the boots just killed. I could feel them cutting into my heel. Not pleasant. I was so frustrated. My mom is dead. My husband is far away on a mountain. Why can't my boots just freaking work!!!! I had had it. I lost control. Just sinking further and further into the black hole of depression.

My friend Brad was a gem and was full of great advice. Texts and emails slowly helped me snap out of it. There was only one thing to do...I needed to buy new boots. With the help of a neighbor who agreed to pick up the boys from school, I picked up Tanith and drove to Colorado Springs. (see below post about my new boots)

Brad helped me remember that skating is supposed to be FUN. I clearly wasn't having fun because of the boot problems, but I was also putting added stress onto myself to be perfect on the ice. The upcoming season and training for that was on my mind. I had forgotten to think about the fun and instead had gotten carried away with the winning...

So....with my rink closed, and ice time limited, I'm going to start focusing on the FUN.

Things I LOVE about skating:
being expressive on the ice
going fast
rocking out
being pretty
mastering something
working hard
getting out of breath
thinking about my skating heros.

Gonna get back to that on Monday when I skate in my new boots.

1 comment:

lvs2dance said...

I know that your momma was watching down on you today. Hugs and lots of love to you. :-)

On Belay

On Belay
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Climb On!

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