This has been the summer of learning and growing for me.
Insecurities. I have so many, but I'm learning and growing and I have my amazing Colorado friends to thank for this AND one very special elementary school friend.
I have this extreme internal longing to be COOL. And yet, I don't see most of the things that I do, as being incredible, cool, fascinating, interesting etc. Yes, Speed Skating is WAY COOL, but I'm not COOL because I do it. And figure skating. Its incredible! But I'm not incredible. There are so many others way more talented. And I'm not nearly as thin as some of my friends, therefore, I'm just not good enough. And pretty? Nope, not me. And Sexy? HECK NO! And I'm NOT a good mom, I know that for a fact. and my kids? They are wild wild wild...
These have been some common thoughts I've had for years.
But slowly over the past few weeks, my Colorado friends have taught me who I am.
I'm beautiful, inside and out. "A real Gem" one friend said. I'm a fantastic mom, another has told me. I'm totally sexy, I heard. And I'm a Bad @ss climber. My skating is gorgeous and incredible.
One friend really struck home with "climbing 5.10 is still cool, even if others climb 5.14" Whoa! This really fit perfectly.
So, whats my deal? Why do I fail at so many things? Why do I bail on a hike or climb? Why do I run away from things? I think I got it out in a FB email today to an old childhood friend. I told her that I think its my lack of humility. I'm scared to look stupid. I'm scared to ask questions. I'm scared to look not a nubie. I'm scared that I won't be COOL.
And you know what she said?
WWGGD?
What would GaGa Do?
And then she added, "Then just let go and enjoy the awkwardness."
And so, off I go into the future, determined to enjoy the awkwardness!
--Super Angie
3 comments:
Awesome!
You're tops in my book. There's only one you in the whole entire universe. You make me smile all the time. Cool is overrated anyway. I know a few "cool" people who are really unhappy and haven't achieved half as much as you have. They're "cool" in part because they lack the ability to make certain commitments... so they look care free, but really aren't.
The deffinition of "cool" has changed in my book. Cool people are those who are apologetically themselves and simultaneously passionate, compassionate, and self aware. You're all those things to me... you're super, Angie.
- Lisa
WWSJD? (steve jobs, who is possibly more beloved in our current culture than any religious icon)
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